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Thursday, March 12, 2009

Ask a Dad

Tyler H is a guest blogger and father to Emi. The Three Bay B Chicks have asked him to shed light on a Dad’s point of view under the stern supervision of his loving wife, Kacey. If you have a question for Ask A Dad, feel free to submit it in the comments section. The Three Bay B Chicks are not responsible for Tyler's "advice."

Birth Order: Does It Really Matter?

Dear Ask A Dad,

Growing up, I was the middle child of three. As much as I hate to say it, I fall into numerous clichés of typical middle child behavior. I'm wondering what your thoughts on birth order are and if you have any ways to prevent this debilitating cycle from repeating in my own household.

Miserably Middle

Dear Miserably Middle,

There’s nothing you can do to alleviate your situation. Just kidding. But seriously, there’s really not much you can do, that is, if you’re a middle child, because being the middle child is the awesomest according to science. Numerous sibling studies have resulted in unmistakable tendencies stemming from birth order, ranking the middle child as the most likely to rock it and be undervalued. No one wants to feel his or her behavior and intelligence level can be predicted by strangers in lab coats. However, science never lies…unless results are offensive, in which case, science can then be skillfully disregarded in order to validate cherished ideology.

Let’s have a look at the major predictable characteristics of each child in order:

First Born
• Bossy
• Organized
• Neat
• Driven
• Believes must gain and hold superiority over other children
• Know-it-all
• Super jealous of younger sibling’s popularity
• Strives to keep or regain parents' attention through…let’s skip to the middle child stuff.

Middle Child
• Agile
• Original
• Good at magic
• First-rate peripheral vision
• Most likely to make parents proud
• Delusional
• Neglected
• Needy
• Always has sibling who “thinks” he’s more advanced
• Under appreciated
• Misunderstood

Youngest Child
• Just like the oldest only more annoying
• Has an easy life
• Probably not going to do as well in school. If you do, it’s only because you work twenty times as hard to get barely better grades than the middle child.
• Thunder stealer
• Tattletale
• Copycat
• Whiny

My advice to you is to get over it. Being a middle child is obviously the way to go. If you have three or more children, post these “typical characteristics” up on your fridge and review with your children nightly so that they become “true." Secretly whisper in your middle child’s ear that they are really your favorite.

Take my advice and your middle child will overcome any obstacle in his or her path. And who knows? Maybe their characteristics will even rub off on the other kids. This worked wonders in my family.

Let me know how it goes.

Tyler (A Marvelous Middle Child)
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Donnetta said...

Before I got to the end, I was thinking this HAD to be written by a middle child. The characteristics of the middle child was just a teeny hint! :)

Great job, Tyler!

dede said...

that was great - I have never loved being a middle child more!

loved the (personalized) lists!

Crazee Juls said...

...as the oldest of 5, I can't say that I completely agree Ask a Dad...but then again, you are the expert... ;)... What happens when I only have 2 children, and therefore, no "MIDDLE" child... are both of my kids doomed?

Grand Pooba said...

In most situations your descriptions are correct, however I don't think it really depends on age, but maturity. I am the second oldest but ever since my older brother started into his immature behavior at the age of 14 (drugs, alcohol, etc etc) it seems he has remained a 14 year old for the remainder of his life and I took the role of the oldest child. He is seriously a 14 year old living in a 29 year old body! Goo!

Heather said...

Obviously jealous of an older siblling. And delusinal too (your own description there bud!). Everyone know the oldest child is far superior to any other! I should know, being an oldest child, and being totally awesome!

Just SO said...

I wonder if there is any studies done on being the seventh child of eight? Is that considered a middle child?

BSNC said...

interesting piece. some part of it is true, i think it depends on alot of things though..

Sarah said...

As a youngest child, I take offense. *huff*

Just kidding!

Funny post!

Nana said...

As the oldest child I must say this is baloney.
I have called all of my siblings and told them they must not agree with you.
I went and cried to my mother about this whole issue, she told me you are nuts.
Now I am going to let off some steam and re paint my house. It is not the exact shade of beige I was looking for.
Then I am going to organize my veggie seed collection.

I know this is a lame comment I just can't seem to stop myself.

peewee said...

Science is AWESOME. Because THOSE FACTS are so.damn.true! I gotta pass this along to my older and younger brothers!

But I was reading this one Medical Journal the other day, and it also noted that middle children get the best looks too.

Amy said...

Way to go Tyler.

I was the youngest in my family. I did have a hard time in school and had to work hard. School was just hard for me. I really did not tell on my brother. I did cover for him when his friend throw a dart in my back. Also the time his friend ran over me with his bike. I think being the youngest you get it all and have a lot to hold up to. The first one always messes things up for us. I think I did great being the youngest. But I do for sure want things to go my way at times. Oh well.

penguinsandladybugs said...

My sister was a middle child and because of that....she only had two children :0)

Anonymous said...

And it so much depends on what is going on in the household. I was an only child, but my parents were poor & my mother was sick & needed my care...it changed the dynamics of what an "only" should be so very much.

I've known a couple of people who admitted that being the middle child made them blameful & in constant need of attention. If someone actually admits that, I believe them. ~Mary

The Blonde Duck said...

I'm the oldest!

Anonymous said...

As the oldest child I find this very funny.

Great job!

rebel said...

Hahahahaha! From one middle child to another, I wholeheartedly agree!

Holly said...

Gah! I was a middle child ... for some of my life, anyway. It really sucks to be you when you're a middle kid, but I think all the suffering makes you strong.

Eve said...

You know... I think that's pretty acurate!

Green said...

what a great post!

Breanne said...

I have never loved being the youngest child less! -- Especially in HIS family!


(Ahh shoot, I'm fulfilling that annoying category aren't I?)

Kathy B! said...

Does this apply too if you are a middle-aged child?

Counselormama said...

Whatever, Marcia! ;)

Unknown said...

Tee hee hee.

Winks & Smiles,

Aquaspce said...

Hmmm... what if you're second oldest in a family of 6? Where does that leave you?

Michelle said...

I'm the oldest....and I'd have to agree...my younger siblings really just need to get over it!!

What a fun post!

Jane Anne said...

This was fun to read! I love it. I'm the middle of 3 girls.

Jennifer said...

Listen here, Ask A Dad, stop looking through my house windows and telling the world about me and my two younger siblings. It's an invasion of privacy, don't you know? Also, I don't think I'm bossy at all...

Danyele Easterhaus said...

from the oldest child...you all stink! and i'm right!

Anonymous said...

I am the baby of 5 and yes I am hated by them all. I do have better grades but that's because the other's flunked, I may be the exception. I just happen to get all the smart genes. My husband is the oldest but he is far from organzied, but does think he knows it all. Great post. I enjoyed it.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

As an oldest child of three... I demand a retraction! Everyone knows I'm awesome - and I know they know because I told them so.

Nana's comment cracked me up! As did you, stinky sock-sniffer middle child. ;)

Mainly a midwife said...

Hilarious. But I have to say that I break the mold or in the very least screw up the statistical analysis. I am the oldest. Although I am awesome I'm not neat or organized nor am I particularly driven. I'm just great at being me.

tiarastantrums said...

oh I have seen this before - I don't put any stock into this stuff - I actually think it is nonsense.(sorry - really no offense meant)

Anonymous said...

You are soo right! I'm an older child and it totally describes me Hee Hee!!:)

Carebear said...

ROFL - what a great post. I only wish i had found it before I posted Field Trip Friday, and I would've added this as a must-visit for my followers! Hilarious and fun!

Megan said...

As "the oldest" I don't know if I should be offended or not. LOL

Very funny, thanks for your insight. ;0P

Connie said...

As an oldest child, I have the oddest urge to push all your buttons (yes, I know where they are) and get you all worked up to an explosion, right at the moment that I know mom and dad will walk in...

Unknown said...

Hahaha! I'm the 3rd of 4 gals myself - so there's no more middle I can be. Your lists are spot on! Haha!

SE'LAH... said...

LMAO! Signed, a former middle child until my mom had 2 more children and put me in no man's land :-)

Stacy Uncorked said...

I'm technically a middle child since my two younger siblings are twins...and I totally ROCK the middle child description - just like my older sister is the epitome of the oldest child...but I still love her! ;) Great post! :)

tiburon said...

That is the BEST.

Freaking love it!