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Friday, March 6, 2009

Britney, Why Haven't U Called?

Dearest Britney,

I write to you today to express my shock and disappointment. It has been almost two months since I first told you publicly on my blog that I am available as your back-up dancer. I sent my resume to you, I became a member of your Official Fan Club, I even added myself as your friend on Facebook, and you know how I feel about The Book. It is with a heavy heart that I must face the reality that my efforts may be going unnoticed.

In an attempt to reaffirm my commitment, I thought I would give my cause one last try. I put together a list of reasons that should compel you to have me by your side during your Circus Tour.

1) I supported and believed in you when NO ONE else did
My husband, my family, and my friends all tried to convince me to turn away from you. While they spoke ill of your Vegas wedding at the Little White Wedding Chapel, I just chuckled and said, “That Britney. She may have been as high as a kite, but she sure can sing!”


2) We had our first babies at the same time























Our bond was first forged out of the truest love...motherhood. Although we did have different taste in maternity clothes, nothing brightened my pregnant days more than buying U.S. Weekly and reading all about your pregnancy progress.


3) We both believe in bringing our kids to work as much as possible

I always have my kids by my side when blogging and you, well, you are paying Kevin Federline an extra $5,000 a week to watch your kids and giving him a free rental house wherever you've set up home base while on tour. And although Not-Really-Father-Of-The-Year-Kevin is spending his days gambling at Harrah's, I know we both have our kids' best interest at heart.


4) We have both suffered for our bad hair decisions



















Helmut hair, perms, red, black, pink, everything except platinum blonde and completely shaved. If there has been a bad hairstyle on this planet, you can bet your botton dollar that I have sported it with pride at one time or another.

Don't worry though, Britney. There is no way I would bring my unfashionable mop on tour with us. I've updated my look, just for you. As testament to my commitment, I've even included my before and after shots....


{An updated photo, post-salon appointment!}

Call me Britney. I foresee great things for the two of us in the future.

xoxo

Your Number One Fan,
Fran
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116 comments:

MELISSA said...

LOL You had me giggling through this whole post and what a cliffhanger! You can bet I will be checking back to see the results and I'm sure they will look beyond-Britney fabulous! :)

mommaof4wife2r said...

waiting anxiously for this one...is a fauxhawk???

Janna Bee said...

Oooh... Can't wait!

sandy said...

You are too funny and I can't wait to see the new look!

lmt1073 said...

the suspense is killing me!!! great blog!

Yaya said...

Can't wait to see your hair!

Angela said...

I sure hope this reaches her soon. She claims to love her fans and she needs to know that you are not being treated right by her:)

Heather said...

Too funny! My friend just got married at the Little White Chapel last week. She seemed pretty psyched she was married at the same place ole Brit was!

dede said...

cliffhanger indeed!! can't wait to see the new hair! love the post!!

missy said...

haha!!! you make some very good points here....i hope brit really thinks about what she is doing before it is to late and somebody else takes you up on your offer!!!!
have a great weekend!!!!

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

You are the most hilarious woman ever. I can't wait to eat girl scout cookies with you. I am working on a new (professional!) blog layout, so you'll get your big picture of me soon!

B said...

Girl, if you get up there as her backup dancer I will fight my way in through those doors to cheer you on, since you will be touring in my own city.

Hope to see you shaking it soon!

Sarah said...

Can't wait to see.
Britney is CRAZY to not include you in her tour!

Lori said...

Tell Britney that Christina Aguilera is calling, and you can't wait for her forever.

So said...

I can't wait to see your new hair. I think, though, that you should post a video of you dancing so Brit and the blogging world can see your mad skillz as a back up dancer. What better way to showcase your new hair do!!

Carin said...

what a cheery narrative to read on a snowy gray morning!!! can't wait to see the new hair!

Carin said...

p.s. Dede is my sister...and PeeWee is our friend... we were all roommates in college!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

What a fun blog! You crack me up! I will have to come back by to see the new do.

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Vanessa said...

One of my favorite posts ever!!! Are you going to her concert??

Ronnica said...

You tease! Love the post though. Clearly, you should be hearing from her any moment begging you to be her back-up dancer.

In other news, I now know which celebrity you'll marry (yes, I had to add it).

Mina said...

Francesca, you are SO funny! Can't wait to see the new 'do!

peewee said...

I CAN NOT believe you left us like that. I AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD NOW. God help my morning client...

Kathy B! said...

Oh!

How could you do that to us?! I'm sitting here eating my Girl Scout cookie breakfast, happily paging through the post, and BAM! No picture... This calls for two more Thin Mints, maybe three, so that I can find my happy again.

Barbaloot said...

Hey-I was totally excited for the new haircut! Where is it?

And if Britney doesn't beg you to be part of her touring entourage now, I'm not so certain that there is still hope for her.

Kristina P. said...

So, what would you think, hypothetically, about an almost 31 year-old woman, spending $100 on a ticket, to see Britney in April? Completely hypothetical of course.

P.S. Hypothetically, I can't wait!

Amy said...

This best post that I have ever seen. I was really laughing at this. I did not know you two were so close. Thanks for the nice comment about my Mom yesterday. Have a great Friday.

Bee and Rose said...

I cannot wait to see the cliffhanger exposed!!! I could not stop laughing!

forever folding laundry said...

Oh, friend. What a brave girl you are! Those pictures take me BACK! Can't wait to see the new 'do.

B said...

Fran! I updated my post from a couple of days ago, thanks to your input of one serious post. ;) Thank YOU girl.

Lolli said...

Haha! That was a great post! You have me giggling and looking forward to your new do!

BlogBaby said...

Oooooo....the drama of it all!

Can't wait for the pic!

BlogBaby

Counselormama said...

You are good! Love the compare/contrast pics! This was too funny!

rightonmom said...

Wait, didn't you bare your midriff during pregnancy either, with cowboy boots??!

Soooo damn funny...and show us the hair pleez!!

The High Family said...

Dang it Fran! What are you doing to your fans?! ;)

Lara said...

Hilarious!

And you better show us your new do quickly, because I have all sorts of scenarios going on in my head...

Becky said...

How can she not want to be your BFF now!? Maybe we should do a blog sit-in or something until she agrees to meet you...

Megan said...

LOL She should definitely consider having you by her side after your compelling argument!

Can't wait to see the updated hair!=D

Julie said...

Too funny! Looking forward to the big reveal! :)

tiburon said...

I can't believe she hasn't called you yet.

Add this huge mistake to her long list of previous mistakes.

tiburon said...

Oh and BRING ON THE HAIR PIC!

blueviolet said...

I'm dying to know what you look like!

Rachael said...

you crack me up. i can't wait to see the new cut!

That Girl in Brazil said...

I risked a belly laugh - and the kids are napping.

Does a compliment get much better than that?!

Jessica said...

If that doesn't convince her, nothing will!! You forgot to post some pictures of your mad dancing skills, though...

Shimmermeblue said...

Haha that was great! I was laughing my butt off!

xoxo s said...

That totally just brighten my Friday up even more. I can't wait to see your new do!

AP said...

totally can not wait to see your new 'do!!!
and your posts always get me laughing!!

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

What is she waiting for? You two are so obviously soul sisters. Her loss, I'm sure. ;)

Looking forward to getting a glimpse of the new 'do - you tease.

He And Me + 3 said...

You are so funny. I can't wait to see the new do.

Heidi Ashworth said...

What a cutie-patootie you are!

Megryansmom said...

Ten extra entries in my contest if I get the exclusive rights to the after photos. Have your people call my people!

Mary Moore said...

IF she doesn't call you this w/e, I'll find her for you. You'd be awesome!!

Nana said...

Francesca, even though I am a little disturbed about your adoration for Britney. I will support you in whatever decision you make. I have to say that to all my children.

Please don't do anything too drastic to your hair and always say no to drugs.

jennykate77 said...

How could she NOT want you on her tour?! You would be a hot fly girl no doubt!

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

braw hah ha - too funny - Can I come along too?

Joelle said...

haha love it.

The other day I told my husband I wanted to listen to Britney in the car and he was like "Really?!" Hehe I need my fix every now and then.

Michelle said...

Thanks for swinging by to leave me some bloggy love!!

Can't wait to see the new doo!

wonder woman said...

Hilarious, as usual.:-) And you're gorgeous!! Love the hair.

wenbren explains it all said...

How awesome Fran! Can't wait to see your new look and PS I love Britney! I'm Team Britney!!YEAAAH

Grand Pooba said...

Ok am I just stupid or is that your before AND after shots? Yep, I'm just stupid. Guess I'll have to wait with the other sorry saps...I mean fab commenters.

And wtf? Stop this right now, I am laughing too hard about the Britney stalking thing!

You kill me.

Tabitha Blue/Fresh Mommy said...

Hahaha, well, when you finally do get that inevitable call, make sure to send me an autograph for when you're famous!!!!


:)
~Tabitha~

freshmommyblog.com

Deb said...

Isn't it funny how we "bond" with celebrities we're pregnant "with?" I was pregnant with my first when Angelina was pregnant with Shiloh, and in my mind our kids are totally best friends...

Donnetta said...

When y'all become BFF - will you still blog or will you become a snob when it all goes to your head?

Just curious. :)

Donnetta said...

When y'all become BFF - will you still blog or will you become a snob when it all goes to your head?

Just curious. :)

Casey's trio said...

Hilarious....now why isn't she beating down your door? Surely she needs a trustworthy BFF!

Cheryl said...

Britney told me she loved me once. Granted, there were lots of people, and she didn't look at me, exactly, but I know it was meant for me.

Carebear said...

LOLOL! I LOVE you for this post. I am a true Brit fan, although I did tuck that fact into the closet when she was in her meltdown phase. I'm going to see her in Seattle on my birthday April 9th and I'm taking so much crap for it! Anyway, like your new layered look!

Boy Mom said...

She so better call you!
Cute hair!
Cute Mommy and boy!

Look forward to seeing you in the next Britney video!

Julie said...

How could she possibly say "No?"
Funny post! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

mrsbear said...

Ha! What is she thinking, you would definitely "class" up the tour. Love your before and after shots, you're too cute. Thanks for stopping by and commenting today.

joanofalltrades said...

I am terribly afraid that you might actually be serious. I love your creativity! Great hair!

Tranquility said...

You know... I really don't understand why you haven't received a call from her! She obviously needs to fire whoever it is that's in charge of her mail... I'm sure she must not have received your communications!

Scribbit said...

You're practically twins separated at birth :)

Jennifer said...

If she doesn't respond, there could only be one good explanation: she's seen you dance and she's jealous of you. Plain and simple.

Kendra :) said...

I LOVE BRIT!!! You are so funny!

queenbee4 said...

She can't handle how fabulous you are.
Pure and simple.

Anonymous said...

Love this because:
1. I, too, am a huge Britney fan.
2. I, too, long to be one of her backup dancers.
3. I, too, had a child on the same day as her (my 2nd, her 1st).
4. It might be bad parenting but I love hearing my 3 and 4 yr old sing "Womanizer." Just the chorus, of course.
5. I AM SEEING HER CONCERT! Yes, this 32 yr old stay at home mom of 3 CAN'T WAIT til April 27th when I drive 5 hours to Chicago to see my girl. I am ALL ABOUT a comeback!
Great post - let me know if she calls 'cause you're takin' me too.
Julie in Cincy

Monica said...

The only thing lacking in the post was a video of the backup dancing skillz.

peewee said...

super cute haircut!! Jealous. I still look like Beeker :(

Heather of the EO said...

You look exactly alike in those pregnancy photos. Exactly alike. It's uncanny.

If you end up getting the gig as a back-up dancer, I want a backstage pass and you HAVE to claim me as your friend.

Rachel said...

I LOVE YOU!!! THIS is so awesome!!!!!! HAHAHAHAH! I was laughing, thanks for the laugh! And thanks for coming to say hi on my blog, love it, appreciate it, you're the best! And your blog is HYSTERICAL!!! :)

Rachel said...

This is too funny! I hope she comes to her senses and you are immediately placed on the tour!

Gibby said...

You're so funny! Honestly, I don't know why Britney hasn't called yet. Surely she will, right??

Becca said...

If I was Britney I'd hire you!

Kimmy said...

Cute post!! LOL! I like Britney too...poor girl! My hubby and I too stuck by her during her moments of crisis.

Good luck with the call back :o)

Jenni said...

That was so funny. Loved the prego pics of you side-by-side with bare-bellied Britney! LOL

Christie-A Work In Progress said...

86 comments! Insane! In a good way of course!! You had me in stitches with this post! I am anxiously waiting the next chapter in this saga!

babyrocasmama said...

Oh, that Brittney! I think you would make a great back up dancer for her!

Hey, come join my Week-End Wordle meme....It's lots of fun.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

ROTFLMAO!! Love it! Maybe you need to do a video and post it on YouTube... ;) Thanks for the laugh - you're genius! ;)

Mariam said...

I needed a laugh, specially today. Britney doesn't know what she's missing.

Julie said...

I really think it's gonna happen for you. Please just don't forget us "little people". :P

mommy jac said...

I love your post funny and you crack me up. Can't wait to see your new look.

rich said...

I was rolling on my ass and almost soiled myself from laughing...

jesse said...

Hahahahhaa, you are SO adorable!!!

Becky said...

You really do put forward a good case... I can't see how Britney could possibly overlook you now!
I'm pretty sure your next post will be to let us know Britney herself rang you in response.
Love the old hair pics! :)

Kailey said...

Ha, that's funny! Can't wait to see you in her next video. ;-)

Helene said...

Hilarious!!!! Well, I think Britney is a fool for not getting back to you about being on her team! Her loss is our gain!!

Juls said...

...if Britney doesn't call... I'll definitely try my hand at singing, if you'll be my back up dancer... how cute are you with your new 'do? .....Too cute!

Erin said...

What a cute post! I loved it.

Pam said...

Oh, that's so funny it's going to have me giggling all day!

I can't imagine why she hasn't contacted you. I'm positive it must be an oversight on her part. Maybe she has a new publicist or something. Yeah, that's it! A new PR person.

You brighten my day. Have a great week!

SPITsisters said...

Fantabulous entry! I too am a Britney lover and supporter.

Thanks for the comments on my blog also; I hope you enjoy it!

Kelly Deneen said...

LOL. You are so funny!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Shame on Britney for not having you on her speed dial! Cute pregnancy picture...I like yours better than Brtiney's. And cute after-hair.

AndreaLeigh said...

love it! i think you should post a picture of yourself dancing just so we can see what britney would be working with. :)

The Mom said...

So you are still cracking me up! I think you've got 1 up on Britney though! Hey - come on over to my blog -- I've nominated you for an award if you're in to that kind of thing! :)

Wifey said...

Tee hee hee. This is classic. Love the retro red sweater...

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Kristen said...

This cracked me up! Your hair wasn't that bad. Brit's was a little worse.

TMI Tara said...

"It's Britney, Bitch."

Sorry for the language, but that line was in my head during this entire post.

You're so much more fabulous than Brit could ever dream of being. I'm diggin the new do. Love the last pic and the flashback pic of course!!!

Jo said...

LOVE the haircut. I think pehaps Britny would be better off if perhaps she modeled her life after you and became YOUR backup dancer!

SE'LAH... said...

cute & cuddly ! Can't wait to check out your new look.

Megan said...

Cute hair cut!!! =D

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