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Sunday, March 8, 2009

Just Call Me June

I'm a girl that likes her routine. Having certain days of the week dedicated the different activities helps to pass the time and keeps this Mom happy.

In our house, Mondays are dedicated to playdates. Each week, Giancarlo and his best buddy get together for a few hours. During the weeks that I play hostess, I usually try to get the kids outside to a local park, the zoo, the toy store...anywhere they will be sure to burn energy and take their almighty afternoon nap later in the day.

I always feel so accomplished when I travel around town with my posse of three kids. We hold hands, sing songs, run, yell. There is nothing that I can’t achieve as a Mom during these times. I AM June Cleaver…the woman who can cure most any boy problem with her cookie jar.


Given that, like June, I am able to realize Mom perfection during our Monday playdates, I am always surprised when people ask me, “Are they all yours?” or “Exactly how far apart are your boys?” What? Are you serious? Aside from the fact that the children you see before you are not all crying, didn't you notice the apron I’m wearing? Even if the kids are not all mine, I am a dedicated family woman. I have ladylike pastimes, such as needlepoint, cake decorating, and arranging tea roses. What’s more, after any playdate, I can usually be found in the kitchen chopping salad vegetables, basting a roast, or icing a cake.

After a conversation with a complete stranger at the park last week about how I could possibly manage three kids, I thought back to a comment exchange with Helene at I’m Living Proof that God Has a Sense of Humor. In an "interview" with Ellen DeGeneres, Helene described how she is questioned repeatedly by strangers about her two sets of twins.

After reading Helene’s post, I responded with the following comment:

I love people. Especially ones I don't know that ask incredibly dumb questions. Here is my suggested response for your next encounter with stupidity:

Stranger: Are they all yours?
Helene: No, no they are not. I just let them live in my home and devote all my money and every waking moment to them as part of my public service to humanity.

However, in light of my own recent experiences, I feel that I should do more for Helene and Moms to multiple children everywhere. Depending on your mood, the next time a stranger stops to ask you if your kids “are all yours,” here are a few suggestions.

If you are feeling positive, try these on for size...

1) I am proud to say, yes. I really think that Nadya Suleman is a reproductive miracle. I am attempting to follow in her great footsteps.
2) They are, but I am willing to deal. If you’ve got cash, I could rent them to you for a day or two.
3) They are. I am a recovering sex addict and had a lot of trouble with steps 1-11 of my 12 step program.

On your not-so-positive, extra sarcastic days, give these a whirl:

1) No, they are not all mine. I was thinking that you and I could flip a coin for them.
2) No. I thought they were yours. What kind of parent are you, leaving these beautiful children unattended? You should be reported.
3) Biologically, yes, but most days I am just really their unpaid household servant.
4) No, definitely not mine. They came with the package when I became a trophy wife.
5) I’m not sure. Let’s ask them.
6) Let’s play a game. I’ll answer your inappropriate questions only if you answer mine. Ready? I’ll go first. How many times do you have sex a month?

After thinking about it further, maybe I am more June Cleaver circa 2009, rather than 1957.

-Francesca

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62 comments:

Rachael said...

lots of original response. i think my favorite is #6 :)

Kameron said...

People ask some stupid questions. My son goes to a home daycare and she has twin boys who are 3 watches my son who is almost 2 and has a 1 year old daughter. She was walking through the park with them when some jerk yelled out of his window, "Hey, lady, why don't you have more kids". I secretly hoped she flipped him the bird.

Cammie said...

heehee. this made me giggle

Amy said...

This had me laughing. I only have one child right now. I would love to see what would happen if I went into the store with just random children and see what people would think. Then again I may get into trouble for pulling random children along with my little one.

Happy Monday.

Katherine Aucoin said...

Too funny and yes it is hard to believe that people are so stupid. When my oldest daughter was about 9 months old and wearing a pale pink white and green dress, a clerk in a store thought she was a boy because her ears were not pierced. Sheesh!

Bullfrogs & Butterflies Baby said...

I have 3 boys (5, 3, and 17 months) and a little girl due in 2 weeks...aside from the usual "you must have your hands full" comments, I get a lot of shocked "they're so well behaved!" remarks, as if to imply that they should be unruly monsters just because I have more than 1!!

Shalee- Be Speechless said...

When I was little I didn't have any hair.. I was a bald little baby. Anyway my mom use to glue bows in my hair so I would look like a girl. AND she would dress me in all pink.. people still had the nerve to say "Oh what a cute little boy."

Haha, "Are they all yours"

Thats rich. Sometimes I wonder where people get off. :D

My favorite response in which I will use when I have children will be Number 2 (in the not so positive days) :D

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I'm with Rachael, my fav is number 6.

LOL..thanks for the laugh.

joanofalltrades said...

Go get 'em June! Why can't people just mind their own business. This reminds me of Stesha's post when the lady asked her if all of her kids were by the same father. Just sad. I just want to know if you dignify their inappropriate questions with a response--now what? Do they continue to judge you or do they just say,"oh I was just being nosey?"

Lara said...

Oh you are funny. I will have to tuck those away into my purse, to have a great answer on the ready.

Unfortunately, I live in Utah, where my 3 children are no big feat and the "Are they all yours" question doesn't get asked until you have at least six.

However, they do ask me quite commonly when I'm ever going to have a boy. As if I know? "Oh, next time we have planned for a boy for sure..."

Gibby said...

It amazes me the things people will ask. Hello, do some of them even live on this planet? Like a few previous commenters, I love #6, too!

seriously? said...

AHHHH, yes, I have been known to try to sell my kids to the highest bidder on occasion. The best thing I ever heard was when my almost 7 year old tried to sell her parents one day at the mall...she didn't have any takers either. :)

PS...Francesca??? Why have you not responded to my message on facebook??? I am beginning to think you are ignoring me and no good can come of that. Please sign in to facebook and respond to my important messages at least once a week...COME ON!!! Does the tutorial need to begin on the very basic level of signing in and facebook etiquette??? Don't make me poke you...

Kristina P. said...

What about saying they are your sweatshop? I'm a big fan of child labor.

Barbaloot said...

Are you willing to trade dumb personal questions of the children variety for dumb personal questions of the single variety? "How come you don't have a boyfriend?" Gee---if I knew the answer to that do you REALLY think I'd still be single?

Heather said...

Love it! I wonder why people think it's their business to ask a complete stranger about their children, and how many they have, etc. I'm sure if you responded with one of your answers they would think YOU were the rude one. People are "funny."

Susan said...

I love your responses! Very creative.

Happy Monday!

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

So... how many of them are actually yours...? Hahaha - JK.

I like the, "I don't know, let's ask them" response best. Or say, "Yes, all 7 of them.." and look around like you've lost a few, then shrug your shoulders and leave. :)

Mainly a midwife said...

That's great!!! Last Sunday at church one gal told my hubby that we were nuts for having 3 kids. Now we'll have some snazzy comebacks!

Counselormama said...

People seem really freaked about seeing an adult with more than two kids out in public. Once I took my two, my sister's two and we went in the jogger, they all were standing up like puppies in a box, people had such a reaction!

Kailey said...

I admire the quick-witted. ;-)

Tabitha and Family said...

LOL!! Hilarious!

PS..

We're donating $1 for every NEW follower we receive To Neuroblastoma Research!

Hope You'll Stop By!!

rightonmom said...

This was beyond awesome! Stupid is (asks) as stupid does, hehe!

I prefer my June with an AK-47 though. Just sayin...

Kelly Deneen said...

LOL!! My fave is this one:

2) No. I thought they were yours. What kind of parent are you, leaving these beautiful children unattended? You should be reported.

blueviolet said...

I've bit my tongue so many times when people have asked me if my kids are mine. People are unbelievably rude.

Lolli said...

That was SO good! You can't imagine how many times I have heard that question when I've been out with my five kids. What's even better--when I'm out with a few of them and somebody asks that question, I can say, "Yes, and I've got 2 more at at home or at school!" I love to see the look on their faces.

K said...

I love the bit about being a trophy wife. I'm totally going to use it.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Stupid people who ask stupid questions (plus hormones) is exactly why it is best to make the gun acquisition process a trifle prohibitive.

Kathy B! said...

I used to get this all the time when mine were younger (4, 4 and under). When they're little is looks so much more overwhelming!

I usually just say (as I'm walking away), "Gosh, I sure hope so. If they aren't I think I'm going to be in some pretty big trouble when their folks find out. Give me a quick head start before you hit 911."

wenbren explains it all said...

Fran, you are simply just brilliant I love all the sarcatic answers and definately need to try those next time I go out with my three boys plus my sisters kids!!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

If you lived in Utah people would just ask when you're planning on having your next one! The question I get a lot is "where did she get her red hair?". I've thought about just dyeing my hair red to save time when we're out and about.

AndreaLeigh said...

haha! that is very funny! i agree with the stupid questions. sometimes people just don't know when to shut their mouths.

The High Family said...

ahhhh Francesca! you crack me up...love your wit!

I admire Helene...now that is a SUPER MOM! :)

Mary Moore said...

Oh yeah, good one!!

I love #6 especially!!

Bee and Rose said...

That is hilarious!!! People are clueless! Sending running and screaming, I say! lol!

Shupe said...

LOVE IT!

He And Me + 3 said...

Love the responses. My friend who is a mother of 5 needs to read these...she gets asked that all the time. Great answers!

Nana said...

You are a perfect June!!!

I always loved those questions myself. I had 4, yes 4 of em. Kids not questions.

I always felt like a traveling circus.
Now though when we go on family vacations we are for sure some kind of circus!!!!

Anyway, Keep up the good work!!!

Cindy (and Brian) said...

OMG I LOOOOVE this!

peewee said...

HA! Love the trophy wife one!! It's like when people ALWAYS ask me if my golden retriever and yellow lab are TWINS. for real. Or when I had two labs and got the golden puppy EVERY SINGLE DAY at least one person would say "awwwww...is that the mom, dad and baby?"
sigh.
God! I'm so glad WE'RE not stupid! But how DO you handle ALL those kids pictured on your site? Is your husband asian?

peewee said...

...or are they adopted?

Megryansmom said...

I like reply #6.

You could also add this one...the boobs? Oh hell yeah they're all mine!

Laura said...

Am I horrible for loving the June apron? Slap on some red lipstick and curlers and we all could be twins. I also enjoy having chores throughout the week so they don't build up. I can even picture the check list in my head. Boy do I have a problem :)

pam said...

I love your responses! Wouldn't someone chock on their words if they were actually said!!

MEGAN said...

This totally made me laugh. As an adoptive mother, there are a lot of really insensitive things strangers say regarding that as well. Heck, people say dumb things about everything. My standard reply is to tell the offender there is a giant booger in their nose threatening to jump and then I run away while they focus on the booger.

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

Hehehe. That was funny. Being a pastor's wife, I'm used to the stupid comments people make. My favorite was when a lady asked if my boys are twins. Um, no. Two years and about 2 inches apart.

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

I agree, people ask stupid questions and say stupid things when it comes to kids. You can have a baby dressed in head-to-toe pink and they will still ask, "Is that a boy or girl?" One time as I held my son, a woman asked me if he was a real baby!

I would nominate you for June Cleaver 2009!

Jolene said...

Ok....that was absolutely hilarious!

Monica said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Vickie said...

This post had me cracking up! Can you come with me next time I have to go grocery shopping? I could use your witty comments. I never come up with them fast. I get the poor lady comments or the your kids are bad comments.

Yes, I had some lady tell her kid, that my kids were bad! Hello, they are 4 and 2! They are gonna get a little rambunctious in the grocery store. (I also have an 8 year old, but she is in school at this time)

SO said...

Living in Utah, home of large families this question has not been posed to me with my four children. However if it does come to light one day I will be using responses #4 and #6! Those were great.

Wifey said...

Can't stop giggling. I'm always the one asking my kids inappropriate questions like "Who's kids are you?" or "Do I know you, why are you here in my house?" Good thing they don't read your blog...

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Grand Pooba said...

I love both number 2's! Where in the good sam hell do you come up with these ideas? Only a June Cleaver fo sho!

btw, you should be receiving a little belated email from me, although it might be the second time you're getting it, I may just be that stupid!

I said may.

Emily A said...

I love the super sarcastic comments! I get SO tired of people asking me if they are all mine. I have four children, two of which are twins. You would think that I have fifty kids from their reactions. I love your blog. Thanks for visiting mine as well. ~Emily

Debbie said...

With four, I got all those crazy questions all the time. Of course, I am just not the sarcastic type so none of these answers would have worked for me. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go get struck my lightning for lying.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

You are hilarious. I love the gun photo.

dede said...

great post! I wish I had some of those comments when we took our 4 young boys on a trip - people looked at us like we shouldn't be allowed to go on vacation (and they were actually behaving - imagine if it was a bad day!)

Helene said...

I love, love, love your sense of humor!! Each of those comebacks are so clever (and freakin hilarious!!!). I think I might print those out and keep them handy in the diaper bag for the next time someone asks me that question. I love the unpaid servant answer...SO true!!

Thanks for the link love!!

TMI Tara said...

I struggle to differentiate between the sarcastic comments and the less-sarcastic comments. ;o)

I love it. June. Packin heat. In her apron. With perfect hair. Listenin to hip hop. Raisin the roof. And eyebrows with all those kids. =)

Heather of the EO said...

Oh how I love how funny you are. I love it when people ask me dumb questions because then I get to just stand there and stare at them without responding and then I can smirk and walk away. (seriously, I've done it...on a over-tired and crabby day.)

Kerri said...

You know you are only getting asked tht question becaue you live in California! If you lived in Utah like me, you could have 5 kids and probably wouldn't get asked that. Now when you get to about 6 and up, people do start saying things. I have 4, but my friend has 7!

Jo said...

You are sooo funny! Now, your next assignment is to actually use those snazzy comebacks and then report back on the reactions.
I do love a smart mouthed woman, or child for that matter. No, my children are not disrepectful, they were just raised by a sarcastic mother, it is a form of self defense!
Here in Utah, 3 wouldn't get a second look. Now when we took our five and a foster child for a trip to California, we got a TON of looks and more than a few of those questions. My favorite answer? "No, we left the other 10 at home".

Brea's Mommy said...

Great post. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. Hope you are having a great day with no stupid questions.