Our blog has moved!

You will be automatically redirected to the new address. If that does not occur, visit
http://www.mayhemandmoxie.com
and update your bookmarks.

Monday, June 1, 2009

The Secret To My Weight Loss Success

I haven’t been completely honest. When I wrote that I didn’t participate in the last Chick Chat vlog because I had nothing to confess, it wasn’t completely true. I do have one rather large secret that I am quite proud of: I am a weight loss genius. Actually, I should give credit where it is due and say my kids are weight loss miracles.

Everyone faces their own weight loss challenges. I am no different. My quest to be slim and trim is complicated a bit by the fact that I loathe exercise and excel at procrastinating. However, even as toddlers, my kids have managed to help me lose weight without ever having to even raise my heartbeat or break a sweat.

If my kids had the ability to create their own dining experience at every meal, then my weight loss plan might be a complete failure. For example, I suspect that their day would look something like this:

Breakfast: A cupful of whipped cream with about an inch or two of hot chocolate, an Egg-O soaked in maple syrup, and copious amounts of bacon.

Lunch: Macaroni and cheese, accompanied by about a quart of Kool-Aid.

Dinner: Ice-cream.

You might notice that any trace of fruits, vegetables, or food without salt or sugar would be missing.

Sadly, this is not their reality. As tyrannical parents, Geoff and I monitor what our kids eat and regularly say no to dessert if Giancarlo chooses to sit at the dinner table, but to pass on eating.

Similarly, my children return the favor to me and monitor what I eat. In their case, though, they have brilliantly altered their approach in order to keep me on my toes and help me to prevail in my battle against the bulge. My typical day looks something like this:

Breakfast: Nothing. No time to eat. Must blog before children get up and require attention.

Lunch: Make lunch for Giancarlo and Lucia. Once they are happily munching on sandwiches, make something for myself. Mentally applaud my efforts to put together a salad or some type of wholesome wrap. Sit down to eat and have my kids immediately proclaim that they are done. Look lustfully at lunch, but turn away from it to wash sticky faces and hands. Get kids settled in a new activity. Finally return to wilted salad or soggy wrap, which no longer looks or tastes good. Skip lunch entirely.

Dinner: Repeat above pattern. However, out of sheer desperation, eat the scraps from my kid’s plates as I clean up dinner.

9:00 pm: Recover from the day’s events with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream. Fall asleep on the couch.

You see? My kids are givers. They know that it is much more important to look your best than to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Everything they do is out of love…right?

-Francesca
Bookmark and Share

54 comments:

Kristina P. said...

So, I was going to make some Eggos with syrup and whipped cream, for breakfast. I figure with that, I could be a part of your family.

But, they are whole wheat, so I'm not really sure.

Bullfrogs & Butterflies Baby said...

Are you sure you haven't been spending time with my little munchkins? The sacrifices your kids make on your behalf sound incredibly close to my own!!

Kristin said...

Add in chasing around a crawling monster and I'm right there with you!

Patrice said...

LOL! You crack me up!! I guess I need to have kids & then I'll be skinny... hmm. I think I'll try to find another way haha

Nana said...

Hey Sweetie, I have missed you.

I know what you mean kids are such givers. My grandkids mostly give me their boogers. I am sure not going to eat them.

Henry poops his pants daily, no not gonna eat that either.

Maybe having my grandkids living here is why I have lost 7 lbs. I had never thought of that.

Tranquility said...

Oh - I am SO familiar with this. Only my dinner routine is usually something like this: Get food on the table for everyone, go back to kitchen to dish up my own. Butt barely touches chair when mini person reminds me that I forgot to get drinks. Back to kitchen, bring out drinks. Butt sinks longingly towards chair when smallest mini person, who always gobbles down his food, insists that he's ready for more. Back to kitchen I go, only to return in time to get older mini person his seconds... thi spattern continues for the next half hour, at which point, I've gotten such a workout and adrenaline rush that I'm no longer hungry. ;)

I have learned that when we have only older kids at the table, the easiest thing to do is to put the extension in and then bring all the food to the table so that everyone can help themselves!

Randi Troxell said...

so to lose weight i should maybe get a kid or two... right! lol- just kidding!

peewee said...

what? This is TOTALLY my menu plan. The kid's version. Not yours. The simple answer seems to be "hey! I should have some kids and lose weight!"

alas no. Because when I AM around kids, especially at McDonalds, I'm like "are you done with that yet?" and then proceed to eat whatever they didn't.

ah well.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

Have you been hiding out in my kitchen? Because your daily menu sounds just like mine!

Kameron said...

My kid isn't doing his job then. I wish he'd keep me from eating. Well, not now that I'm trying to grow him a brother or sister, but any other time would be good. Maybe after this one comes feeding 2 will help! :o)

Helene said...

Wow, that was like reading a day in MY life!! I once got so frustrated about having to eat ice cold scrambled eggs that I asked Bella, "do you think I'll ever get to eat my food while it's still warm?" and she looked at me and said in all seriousness, "No". At least she's honest.

But yes if we need to look at the positives of all this, I've actually lost all my baby weight and haven't gained anything back. All due to starvation....on my kids' behalf. One more thing to add to the "pro" list when considering having children....weight loss.

rychelle said...

forget the treadmill, i think it's about time i invested in some children.

Joanna Jenkins said...

My next grocery shopping list:

Eggo Waffles
Cool Whip
!2 pints Chocolate Ice Cream
3 kids under the age of 5

I should be a size smaller in about a week! Woo-hoo.

Thanks, great post!

Deb said...

Remarkable. Your children and mine share the same diet. Add the bag of Ghiardelli's dark chocolate squares and the salted almonds I keep hidden in my desk, and you and I could be the same person!

Barbaloot said...

Can your kids come to my house and help me out for awhile?

carin davis said...

Replacing blogging with breakfast is more fun anyway! I'll try it maybe lose the last of my "baby weight" since my baby is TWO! :)

Sarah said...

This sounds so familiar to my life.

Jenni said...

Love the kids menu. :) How TRUE that is! And what a great weightloss plan LOL :)

Becky said...

So THAT'S how people do it. If only I would have known, I'd have had kids sooner... :)

Jo said...

Gosh darn it! All my kids did was teach me how to eat really fast!

Megan {ShabbyBlogs} said...

You should really submit this ground-breaking info to Oprah. I'm thinking she'd offer you a recurring guest spot. Can't wait to see your exercise tips, my dear. :)

Mrsbear said...

Ha! My meals are routinely thwarted by the kids, I never thought they were doing it for my weight loss benefit. The way my son strategically plans his bowel movements for when dinner has just been set at the table, he knows my cold plate of food is not going to be as appetizing after I've been wiping his rear end. I should be thanking him!

Jen said...

My kids are doing to opposite to me. Because there are so many and they are so good at getting into things, I just inhale what ever is in front of me with our even tasting it. I have been known to get a crayon or cup stuck in the throat now and again. ;)

Lolli said...

I've got another one for you. Kids are great at the weight loss thing, but stress is even better. I forget to eat, I can't sleep, and now my friends are telling me my face is showing it. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked on my stomach yet.

Felicia - I complete Me said...

You know what my secret to weight loss is. Feeding my 10 month old while I try to eat. It is so much more time consuming to feed him than it is to feed myself. I do get an occasional bite in there, but usually not the whole meal. What a way to learn portion control huh?

He And Me + 3 said...

I totally need your kids to hang around for a while. Doing the Shred is for the birds. I would much rather do it your way. Thanks for the tips. I will get right on that.
Mimi

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Your children truly are givers! ;o) Sadly, this weight loss plan hasn't worked for me yet. Wonder what I'm doing wrong...maybe it's the cheetos we had with lunch?!

Kailey said...

Sounds like a successful plan! Maybe I need a couple kids. I remember being a lot thinner when I helped out at a daycare.

The Blonde Duck said...

See, I couldn't do that. I learned a long time ago that without food or proper sleep, I'm meaner than a one-eyed snake.

This does not bode well for my future children...

And thanks so much for the sweet compliment on my interview! :)

KC Mom said...

You know, when I want to lose weight I have a secret.
Only make food for my kids that I don't like.
Don't buy any snacks for my kids.
Don't make dinner. Seriously, I eat half the dinner as I'm making it.
I know it's terrible but I practicaly have to starve my kids to lose weight myself!

angie said...

Kids ARE such givers.

My kids NEVER mind me eating their scraps either. As long as they are done first. :)

I couldn't function without breakfast though.

I love the way you end your day. Ice cream at night is definitely a weakness of mine.

Amy said...

So happy to have you up and posting again. I sure have missed you. I think I am on the same diet plan as you. I just need to add the ice cream. :)

Vickie said...

I am always bouncing up and down at meal times. I get all the food ready for the kids, then sit down for mine and someone wants something. You think with all the bouncing I do three times a day, I would lose a little wieght. Nope:(

Grand Pooba said...

Ok Franny, you've convinced me. I am going to start having kids. Starting right now! Maybe I could loose 15 pounds by August right?

You've got yourself a fool proof weight loss plan there! However I have to take some credit, after all you'd be able to eat breakfast if you weren't blogging right?

And we all know that you blog just for me so....You're Welcome!

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Darn, now I want a pint of chocolate B&J's ice cream.

Some days, I think my son eats a total of two tablespoons full of food.

Hi! I'm Grace said...

Wow! I am a chocolate ice cream monster. :)
I don't worry because I don't gain weight. :)

Hit 40 said...

I have gained weight since my kids could make their own pb and banana sandwiches?? Interesting.

Technodoll said...

LOL! Francesca did you ever read this gem? (your post reminds me of it sooo much!)

http://www.jokes.com/funny/kids/miracle-toddler-diet--guaranteed-results

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Your diet is so close to mine! I can't wait to see what happens this summer!

Heidi Ashworth said...

One can live on Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. Chocolate ice cream (what's not to love?) with chocolate fudge fish (shaped like those healthy crackers so that's a winner right there), marshmallow (light as air so no problemo) and bits of caramel for, I don't know, protein maybe? Anyway, sounds yum!

Karen said...

Aw, it's sweet how much your kids care!

Counselormama said...

If it wasn't for my kids not finishing their food, I would starve! LOL

Becky said...

Love this post. Your kids need to come and stay at my place. Ellie eats with us but takes plenty long enough for me to eat, too.

Jen said...

As Billy Crystal used to say "It is better to look good than to feel good," in that Ricardo Montalban accent. Not really, my dear. Try and eat some breakfast. Having said that I should not be giving weight loss advice. The girlfriend and I have started the Operation Ass Reduction regime more times than I care to say. The rear has not become smaller yet.

TattooedMinivanMom said...

I always say that line from A Christmas Story..."my mom hasn't had a hot meal in 15 years"

Jennifer said...

Why yes, everything they do IS out of love. *sigh* I wonder if I can get my son to help me out the same way? Specifically, with a certain jar of peanuts...

mommaof4wife2r said...

my kiddos would live on those nasty watery popscicles that are a million for $2...

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

Why did no one tell me I was supposed to feed my kid? All this time I've been eating...

Eric said...

MMMMMMmmm ice cream...

Gibby said...

Soooo, what's wrong with ice cream for dessert??

LOL!

amanda said...

LOVE IT!! totally.

Heather of the EO said...

Is it weird that I hover at mealtime, waiting for my kids to leave something on their plates and then I dive in like a vulture?

Thought so.

Heather said...

I found a steady diet of string cheese is rather helpful.

Heather said...

P.S. About the cheese? Not really.