CK from Bad Mommy Moments is definitely one of the writers that I am describing. I was referred to CK's site initially by the fabulous Kathy B! from the world according to me. Kathy showed me that there is very good reason to be smitten with CK's writing....
10 - USE THE BATHROOM BEFORE WE LEAVE. You don’t have to? Right. We all know you like to explore uncharted public toilets. But all they have at the Farmers' Market are those stank portaJons. And don't even think about squatting behind a tree. There will be no emergency-in-the-buff around the produce, got it?
9 - SHUT UP. I'd say it out loud if I thought you'd hear me over your crap kid "music" and screaming in the backseat.
8 - GET BACK HERE: This place is packed and I want you close. Excuse me? The correct answer is, “I’m sorry, Mama. I won’t run off again.” NOT, “But I saw Cinderella by the peaches.”
Okay, Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. There is a little girl by the peaches wearing a Cinderella dress. No, you may not wear yours next week. We don’t wear costumes in public and…WAIT!
7 - DON’T YOU DARE TELL THAT LITTLE GIRL SHE’S NOT ALLOWED TO DRESS LIKE CINDERELLA IN PUBLIC! Sh*t...
6 - YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE: Not me. You. Fine. I’m sorry I said a bad word. Now you apologize. To the little girl. Not the back of my leg.
5 - WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING. Seriously, do you use your eyes? Are you sure? Because you just climbed into a stroller that didn’t look like ours. And it had a dog in it.
4 - STOP WHINING: 1) We're not going home because you're embarrassed. 2) You're not hot; it's 75 in the shade. 3) I don't believe for a second that you really have to go. Well, the portaJon's right over there. No? Then squeeze, baby. Squeeze.
3 - DON’T EAT THAT! I know it’s a free sample. I know you can decide for yourself and…you know what? Fine. Go ahead. Just stop whining. Taste good? No? Well, if you let me finish I would've told you it was a sample of soap.
2 - SHUT UP. Some day I'll say it out loud. For now I'll just scream it in my head to the tune of that crap kids’ “music” I can't stop tapping my fingers to.
1 - IT’S NOT A RACE. I've got bags, your sister and the stroller. Of course you beat me to the house. You shouldn’t be running up the stairs in the first place. Unless you’re going to bed. If that’s the case, on your mark, get set…