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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ask a Dad

Rigid Regiment

One problem with many parents today is their lackadaisical approach to parenting. This permissive style of parenting is a joke. It’s no wonder our youth today walk around like they know everything. Kids like routines and need boundaries to feel safe. Here in the Harris household, we run a tight ship and make darn sure Emi knows it. The sooner your little ones learn the value of regimented calendaring, the sooner they will learn to take ownership of their own prosperity. The following is an example of Emi's typical Saturday morning:

4:20 AM – Wake up parents with bellowing cry, seeking assistance to find lost pacifier in crib. Return to sleep.

4:55 AM - Wake up parents with bellowing cry, seeking assistance to find lost pacifier in crib. Return to sleep.

6:05 AM – Wake up parents for a diaper change and a warm bottle of milk.

6:10 AM – Pretend to be tired, allowing parents to return to bed, and then immediately cry, informing them that she's actually ready to start the day.

6:25 AM – Mom reviews Emi's vision board with her while Emi watches an episode of The Backyardigans.

6:55 AM – Cry because The Backyardigans has concluded.

7:10 AM – Remove items from recycling bin and place them in unplugged toaster oven.

7:15 AM – Knock refrigerator magnets to the ground.

7:20 AM – Tear out a piece from Mommy’s favorite pop-up book.

7:30 AM – Once placed in highchair, cry to inform parents that the food is not coming fast enough.

7:31 AM – Vehemently deny all food that is offered.

As you can see, Emi’s morning schedule is brimming with activity. Along with her resume and headshot, we’ve been attaching copies of the above schedule to her preschool applications. This sets her apart from her peers, giving her the edge she needs to eventually have a real shot at happiness.

-Tyler

Tyler is a guest blogger and father to Emi. The Three Bay B Chicks have asked him to shed light on a Dad’s point of view under the stern supervision of his loving wife. If you have a question for Ask A Dad, feel free to submit it in the comments section. The Three Bay B Chicks are not responsible for Tyler's "advice."
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19 comments:

Stesha said...

Well, I guess I know who's the boss over there!

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

Deb said...

That sounds frighteningly familiar. I hate to burst your bubble, but my little Sven, Jr. keeps almost the same schedule, but he begins more than an hour earlier...

joanofalltrades said...

LOL! That application might go a long way in Hollywood!

Jessica said...

You guys inspire me *tear

Sarah said...

Yes, this is very familiar! Except mine often refuses to sit in her highchair.

TrueLoveIsaMama said...

Thanks to your post, I discovered what we are lacking in our household....a vision board! We will get to making one for each member of the family ASAP! Thanks!

That Girl in Brazil said...

Love. Love. Love. This post.

Lara said...

Mine goes to the fridge and brings me what she wants when she refuses to eat what I've made. Luckily, she's started sleeping in a bit more.

Counselormama said...

A vision board, that is too funny! If you want, please read my interview with my dear daughter on today's blog!

ashlee said...

hilarious yet oh so familiar!

Darlene Siddons said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Becky said...

Man, I love Ask a Dad day!! I learn so much. :)

The Blonde Duck said...

She, like my 3 lb. chihuahua, rules the house!

Erin said...

I loved this post!

pam said...

Gotta love kids!!

So said...

Wow that is a tight ship. She's a shoe in at whatever preschool you apply to with that rigorous schedule. What good parents you are.

Breanne said...

Taya's regiment includes teeth brushing. Wow! You say - that really is a regiment. No, I mean it involves her stalking down every tooth brush in the house (climbing up on the sinks to get them) and clutching to them for dear life through all her activites (including brushing her own teeth with them) - needless to say, it is less than sanitary, but hard to keep her from doing it!
Emi's doesn't include teeth brushing?

Nana said...

Yes, Sounds like you are fully in charge. Keep up the good work!

tara @ kidz said...

Sadly, this post was comforting for me. I truly thought I was the only one with such nonsense occurring in the morning, and mid-morning, and then in the afternoon, then during dinner, then after dinner...........