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Good Cop, Bad Cop: A Tried and True Parenting Technique

Kacey and I watch a fair amount of Law & Order SVU - not for the emotionally scarring crime stories, but rather as a tutorial to help us achieve perfection in the art of Good Cop, Bad Cop. GCBC is a proven parenting method of truth gathering and disciplining. Medical journals are replete with case studies proving its benefit, although, I might be confusing this with the Milgram experiments.

To strengthen our interrogation skills, Kacey has been doing bench presses and I’ve been growing a mustache. Kacey, by default, usually plays the good cop because the person with the mustache is simply duty-bound to be the bad cop. If neither of us had a mustache, Kacey would naturally assume the bad cop role.

Rapidly oscillating parental tactics wear children down. It’s at this slumbered state of mind that you can finally get them to bend to your will. Here’s the transcript from one of our recent GCBC interrogation sessions. And yes, we record each session…just like the cops.

The Setting: Emi is in her high chair anticipating dinner. Kacey sits in front of her, holding back a spoonful of minced ravioli. Tyler stands behind Kacey with one foot on a chair, gnawing on a toothpick.

Kacey: Please? Say please?
Emi: Wah!
Kacey: Before you eat, you need to say please. Please?
Emi: Wah!
Kacey: No. Say please.
Emi: Wah! (Emi throws her spoon at Kacey.)

Tyler scoots his chair in close to Emi. He sits down, straddling the back of the chair.

Tyler: What do we got here, an ingrate? Got ourselves an ingrate.

Emi: Dundasndana. Wah!
Tyler: What’s that, missy? We don’t exactly speak “ingrate” up in this house. You wanna play ball, you better say please like Mommy asked you to.
Emi: Uh. Dunsundimba. Dat.

Tyler immediately bolts out of his seat and paces the room.

Kacey: Sweetie, please. Help us help you. You’ve done it before. We just want you to say it again - just once. Say please.
Emi: Ah! Wah! Uh!
Tyler: You’re one tough customer. I like that. I like that.

Tyler throws his toothpick down and storms out of the room. Kacey starts feeding Emi.

Kacey: Tyler, can you come finish feeding her? The Hills is about to start.

Tyler reenters the room.

Tyler: Sure.

Judging by this photo we believe we are making some real progress. Emi definitely seems intimidated by our GCBC act. It's only a matter of time before she straightens up.

Good luck and remember you're the parent.

-Tyler

Tyler is a guest blogger and father to Emi. The Three Bay B Chicks have asked him to shed light on a Dad’s point of view under the stern supervision of his loving wife. If you have a question for Ask A Dad, feel free to submit it in the comments section. The Three Bay B Chicks are not responsible for Tyler's "advice."